So sorry to disappoint you, but I’m not clever enough to pull off a statement piece with thought-provoking talking points for you to bring up with your eclectic brunch friends. I still lay awake at night, plagued with thoughts about the difference between a blog post and an article like I’m Kate Reddy, trapped in a cycle of memos from three constantly quarreling positions I — as a woman — am no longer sure I even applied for and find myself searching for answers because I am no longer sure how I do it either.

All bad jokes aside, lately, I’ve found myself trotting down rabbit holes late at night, searching the Internet for life’s meaning — just to make myself feel better by reading the headlines of its suggested feedback and calling it progress. I’d be shocked if you were familiar with me and my babbles. However, if you’re still reading this, you’ll understand why I chose to write this lovely little love note to myself, and maybe (if it gets far enough) it can remind all the Kate’s out there that its okay to turn that brain off and leave that to-do-list for another day. You got this! Otherwise, you wouldn’t have it to begin with. (Don’t worry, motivational speaking is not included in my future plans.)

To help me figure out what I’m doing, I came across a post called “10 Reasons Some People Succeed and Others Don't”. Obsessed with semantics and enduring anxiety, I was skeptical about marketing myself as a writer, and all I had ever successfully written were “fuck you” letters to my exes. I spent most of my high school days with the Triple Crown submission guidelines tucked into my binder and wrote many a fanfiction back when it was okay to admit you were going back to your mom’s house to write fanfiction. But as far as technical or published works went, I have zero, zip, zilch, nada. (Unless you count my first Kindle Vella serial, Break In Case of Emergency, or The Laundry Room, available exclusively on my website) When faced with a pandemic and left staring down the barrel of a meltdown, I know I wasn’t the only one who figured now was the perfect time to hop on the bandwagon, grab some LED lights, and cosplay as a millennial Target ad for gift cards to Target — (since y’all took all the damn toilet paper).

Once I decided that was what I wanted to do, I laid in bed for a couple of days longer than I care to admit locking horns with myself over every little detail as I couldn’t even bring myself to say the words out loud, let alone Tweet a link or spam a comment section. Then I remembered another way to do this, and I started writing — my Instagram bio. I figured writing would be the “easy” part since that was the skill I was selling, a skill I was born with, loved, and was ready to make a career. As I started to fill in the bubbles on my Google-provided “how to become an influencer” checklist, I quickly felt like a fish out of water with my eye on a trophy I was nowhere near ready to compete for. And suddenly, my Kate Reddy-like cram sessions turned into sleepless nights and wasted days of planning content and creating even more lists. So here I am, checking off more boxes as I continue to wrestle with my thoughts between being successful and maybe needing a psych evaluation.

When searching for a topic to begin my blogging career (are you still here? I wouldn’t be upset if you weren’t), I chose Banks’ post to piggyback off of and hope for the best. I do wonder why some people succeed in life instead of me, and one of the reasons why I don’t is because I always give up early on. Sticking to my checklist and pixie-colored notebooks, I decided to consider the reasons and take my first step at turning things around today. It was January 18th when something bigger than those work-life choices began to distract me and successfully run me away from chasing my dreams. Don’t worry; I told you I’m not clever enough for a Ted Talk, but I am approaching my topic with an optimistic point of view, hoping you, too, believe in the power of manifestation and cannot tell how desperate I am for this to “work” this time around. With my favorite writing pen and some music I probably should take out of my playlist by now, blasting louder than my dreadful thoughts, I made an even shorter list of why I was born to succeed and belonged in the “good news” group of people Patrick!

Reason 1. I am strong.

The workout I had had to Baby Tate as I tried to ghostwrite my blog in a way that I didn’t sound like DJ Khaled reading The Help. (Spoiler alert, I ran with that) I knew somewhere in this list I would have to stop making excuses and incorrectly pop my shit. Successful people don’t make excuses. They don’t spend time juggling thoughts about waiting to start a project or hoping for a big bang-type miracle that suddenly blesses them with 500,000 subscribers and a golden ticket to brand deal heaven.

We heard the phrase “strong black woman” so much that it became a stereotype and a cultural trope as black women have felt the need to re-appropriate the image. Others seem to assume because we are “strong,” we are impenetrable. Living in a reality where we are willing to have harsher conversations in public spaces, I am certainly not the messenger for it, but I would volunteer as tribute for every one of you. Black women are challenged every day to deal with racial and gender-based discrimination, but surviving under that pressure is not what makes us, or anyone, strong. Staying focused and proactive while everyone else is ready to give up makes you strong. Remembering consistency brings results and is key to building a successful “good news” you; having a built-in “armor” comes in handy when no one shows up to your first Twitch stream. (Take it from me)

I wouldn’t be properly introducing myself if I didn’t mention I can mostly credit my strength to the strength I muster up to deal with my mental health on top of blindly chasing my dreams down a pretty busy highway. (They let me leave the hospital just before Valentine’s Day, so I guess things are okay) Dealing with depression and anxiety, common sense tidbits like “stay consistent” and “don’t make excuses” can feel like revelations from your darkest hour or fighting words if the timing is wrong. Constantly tussling with a never-ending internal dialogue and managing to stay on track and keep going is probably the only reason I’ll be receiving my good news in just a matter of time. I am strong because I am me… I am also a woman who is black and doesn’t understand how much eye contact is too much eye contact. If those “good news” people start by stop making excuses, I will no longer let my imposter stop me from feeling any less significant, strong, smart, sexy, and any other ‘s-word’ I know than I was born to be. And I’m throwing “excuses are only mental barriers, though” on a bumper sticker.

Reason 2. I am confident.

I’m admitting now… this is probably my favorite reason. When working on my affirmations to keep me grounded while I leap out on this crazy whim that I belong in this overcrowded world renowned for its impact on our mental health, industry beauty standards, and the plummeting bar when red hearts and blue checks began defining our worth and image like an ATM card that might decline somewhere after the 10k mark; I was 100% sure the fleeting confidence I have would play a role in making sure I was successful in whatever my mind put me up to. I’m from a small town in Illinois that’s probably buried in the algorithm between Milwaukee and Chicago. Growing up, the most notable encounter of my adolescence was when the GS Boyz performed “Stanky Legg” at the high school, and my hood famous uncle from my aristocratic family ended up introducing me and two of my friends to the Boyz, who I apologize to, but they were standing right there, and I didn’t know a thing.

Halfway up shits creek without a lifevest, I searched all over the Internet for a reliable (enough) source to help me answer my mind-boggling question; can genuinely confident people say they’re confident? Or is that cocky? I’m a Gemini, so my horoscope claims that I am naturally confident in social situations, but my major depressive disorder and high-functioning anxiety say otherwise. I needed those first couple months teetering between secure and confident and cocky and delusional. They say the thin line between confident and cocky is you. A confident person conveys interest in others and one’s self-belief in their abilities. On the other hand, a cocky motherfucker is probably insecure, focuses on themselves, and compares their abilities to the abilities of others. And I’m confident enough to admit if I get sad enough… I can get cocky as hell. That’s why I fell in love with writing in the first place, but I’ll cover that in the following reason.

Setting out on this journey back in 2020 has been both exciting and antagonizing. Although I may not feel the most confident in social situations, I am confident I know how to use my words to get what I want. On my road to success, I had to stop fixating on the imaginary moment some imaginary person called me out for trying to play up this shy girl personality role and work smarter. I want to challenge the writer that “highly productive individuals” “get closer to their goals.” Because I’ve been waking up earlier, focusing on what I can do now, and eliminating anything that doesn’t matter. But I still found myself hate-scrolling through Google as green as a frog in a field of four-leaf clovers. That’s how I ended up with two premiere episodes of a serialized podcast — almost a year later. I’m not exactly where my vision board promised me, but I’ve accomplished much more for myself than a thumbs-up could buy. It was my confidence that got me through Scary Hours, and it was my fear of always being an “average person,” wasting time, “overthinking,” and “feeling sorry for” myself that caused me to make one more excuse, open another Gmail account, and called it multitasking, all to avoid meeting you.

I’ll probably never stop comparing myself to others in the spirit of competition. Still, to get my “good news” life, I’ve become more aware of my mistakes and accepted that failure is a part of success but does not mean it’s time to give up. I’ve learned to embrace my mistakes and recognize where I may fall short, accepting my strengths and always remembering to be kind to myself because that’s important too.

Reason 3. I am creative.

When creating my list, I tried not to lead with a smoking gun, but my creativity is the reason why I lay asleep at night sketching without a pencil and running dialogue without a partner. Or else I’ve lost it, and I’m dragging you down this rabbit hole with me.

I’m sure entrepreneurship is not hereditary, but if we’re sharing traded culture secrets as life hacks because “everybody’s so creative,” I got a couple I can show you how to actually never do right now. My mother was the super black woman schema as she worked two jobs most of my childhood, while my father took over the banana stand and continued chasing his own dreams DJing local parties at night. I grew up hearing how my mother never wanted to be anything more than a wife and a mother. And now that it's my turn to squeeze a life out of our rooted lemon tree, I’m not shocked I find myself somewhere between long white gloves and an invisible pearl necklace. “If you don’t have a direction, you’ll end up somewhere you don’t really want to be,” was the best thing Banks said in that article that we all heard before. I know that I want to be a writer, and I know that I’m inspired by artists like Spike Lee, Kevin Smith, J. K. Rowling, and I. Marlene King. I want to write more than one novel and tell more than one story, and I want to invite my readers into a world they’ve experienced before but never quite like this. Coming from a small town where everyone knows everyone, and until I left North Chicago for the simulated city on a hill at VSU, I grew up expected to meet the same expectations as the Princess of Genovia. Pillars of a small community, it was hard enough growing up a “McAllister”; now I had to survive as the one that didn’t do much. “Average people do what they are expected to do, and nothing more.” That’s not something my mother said (although I’m sure she’d agree). That was another quote from my midnight research party that inspired me to try my luck at this content writer stuff. If I type it fast enough, I am a fictional writer specializing in urban fantasy and fiction. Urban fiction like “The Cartel” and “A Love of My Own,” not “Stolen Billionaire Baby Daddy” or “Falling In Love With A Male Stripper” (not to say one is superior to the other.) I’m still unsure if urban fantasy is the right genre to explain my latest work, but I appreciate the room fantasy and folklore leaves me to create and keep writing fun.

When trying to get to that next level and narrow down my wishlist, I switched from Vodka to tea and turned in early morning walks of shame for early morning coffee runs and near-silent reflection time, just like my favorite Insta baddie told me to. Where do you see yourself a year from now? Is still a question filed in my ‘FOR LATER’ mental tab, along with ‘core values’ and ‘years of experience.’ But I do have a vision, and in my tawdry business plan, considering starting an automation page while freelancing as a voice actress and promoting my very own podcast may not be a million-dollar idea, but it may make some rent money soon if I stick to it. Although the ‘expert’ said to stop multitasking, I’m willing to risk a few more nights like Kate to kill two mockingbirds in the library with the sorcerer's stone.

Reason 4. I’m loyal.

Told you… If you’re still with me, I wasn’t sure if I could come up with five reasons I was born to be successful or not — and I’m still not sure if I actually did. But I do want this blog to find you at the right time, when you need a catchy mantra to help you through the harder days, a quick laugh to forget the reasons why we are all the same, or even a punching bag to inspire you to chase your dream next. Because my next reason for buying my momma a house is I’m smart. I appreciate that, and I might just be a genius because I’m grateful.

I may not be able to answer simple questions about my future without breaking out in dizzy sweats and heart-racing chills, but I do know what I want, who I am, and the role that plays in this journey toward this person I’m becoming. “Good news,” people constantly learn new things and make the necessary changes to feel inspired, think positively, and work their smartest to get the most out of the day — every single day. I can blame it on anything, but I am a stickler for nuance and find it difficult to breathe when buzzer words like “portfolio” and “experience” begin popping up on my WFH applications. It may seem meretricious, but let’s quickly turn to some Google stats to make this make sense again. I can’t think of one person from my hometown who hasn’t found happiness as a CNA waiting for her fiancé to be F-R-E-E — or won the game of life with a beautiful wife, a couple of kids, a government check, and a bad case of night terrors. And that’s no shade. I’m actually jealous because I’m the one renegading in my bathroom trying to go viral without showing my face. The practice of manifesting is hardly new, but of course, in this day and age, it took a TikTok trend to make it a thing. In early July 2020, Google Trends reported a peak in searches for “manifestation,” which is often described as a way of willing your goals into existence. Since the Life Coach Directory website has seen a 450% rise in potential clients searching for manifestation techniques, as all the Lucky Girls gave us plenty of positive affirmations to start off our rotation with. Even though (and I don’t know the science) DJ Khaled gave us all we needed with, “You smart. You loyal. You grateful.” Appreciate that.

Growing up in the middle, changing my environment is easier said than done, Mr. Banks. Especially when there’s a street in that environment named after your family in honor of all their success in and outside of the community, and you show up, forever the black sheep, an unemployed unwed college dropout amongst a crowd of church mothers, the who's who of community leaders, and saints. I promise I’m saving some of this trauma for my therapist; until then, I’m staying loyal to my Go Getter planner, counting my steps, drinking my water, and doing my big one for Lil Saint because it's in my blood.

Reason 5. I am important.

Just about every motivational piece reminds us that behind every ground-breaking genius in history is a group of people who tried to stand in their way. After all, we don’t really use Google to find answers we need to hear, just the ones we want to know — right? I was shaken when I sat in front of my computer to officially write my first blog post. The moment I touched the keyboard, I transformed from Kate Reedy Sarah Jessica Parker to Carrie Bradshaw Sarah Jessica Parker. Living with yourself as your worst critic, it's easy to find reasons to give up when your goal doesn’t feel worth pursuing, what you’re doing is crazy, and you’re multi-million idea relies on you basically just openly plagiarizing everything. But every time I close my eyes, I think about Ava DuVernay explaining what exactly Cherish the Day was about. Not for any particular reason other than I would like to make a show explaining a show I also made one day. Or like Courtney A. Kemp, where my final thoughts are included in the runtime, so it's in the unofficial copies of the episodes too.… boss.

According to published authors like Banks, who probably has a resume, credits, and a sample portfolio that would make me try to find work at my local Casey’s for a third time, it’s never too late to be what you might have been. I, too, just wanna make my momma proud, 2 Chainz and successful people may not be greedy or are grateful for what they have, but being grateful is more than waking up with a smile and saying grace over appetizers and bottomless mimosas. When I wrote this, I still wasn’t sure what this meant for me. As if the world I once knew would somehow upend itself, and I would be left holding a bag and traveling along some stairs we never knew would become so important to us when considering what’s worth taking and what’s worth leaving behind. 52% of Americans believe in manifestation and the power it holds, but only 28% actively practice bringing something tangible into their lives through attraction. Can you guess what percentage the “good news” group may fall in?

Even though I knew this….. would read more like a Molly Shannon movie plot and nowhere near the Declaration of Independence level of content, I dreaded creating when I decided to throw away my eleven years of warehouse and factory experience and try to convince everyone I was an experienced blog writer capable of influencing others to never give up and bringing yet another new voice to wearying topics pressurizing our melting pot we all call home. When in reality, I just be Googling synonyms, praying for the best, and writing essays like back in high school.

Either way, when we think of success, we define it as the attainment of wealth, position, or honors, and a key to becoming a successful person is to have a vision. I know I was born to succeed because I am strong, not because of my background and how I had to learn to survive under a looking glass, but because even with depression and anxiety, I find time to laugh at myself and express gratitude. I am confident, determined, focused, and ready to go. “Good news” people work for their success and know it will come. So I followed in my grandfather’s footsteps. I opened up a new banana stand — Fetch Beyond Entertainment — I cannot quite afford the bananas just yet, but that’s another story for another time because I am creative!

Regardless of what I call myself, creativity runs in my family, and even though half of my reasons are from a rap song and the other half is from a movie, I know wherever I land, I made that first choice to join the “good news” group and separate myself from those who can’t and quit, and those who do what they can.

It’s in My Blood: Five Reasons I Was Born To Succeed

Reason 1. I am strong.

Reason 2. I am confident.

Reason 3. I am creative.

Reason 4. I’m loyal.

Reason 5. I am important.

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